Life is not like a box of chocolates. At least mine, has
never felt like that. My life is more like a box of Legos, a tattered box with
crumpled edges, missing pieces and faded colors. These imaginary blocks and
pieces are all in my mind, and all represent different things in my life;
broken things I am trying to build back, careless spending I’ve lost track of,
past mistakes I’m attempting to recapture and redo with a better outcome, and
of course all kinds of time that I’ve squandered.
I meet God every night around 3AM when the world is most quiet,
and I feel like I have more of his attention. Then I lug out this worn box of
Legos and He and I, go through the little pieces one by one. “Look what I built
today,” I say, knowing nothing can impress the creator of space, galaxies,
mountains, oceans and all of nature. I think in my mind that He approves of my
feeble attempt. But then I find myself saying things like, “I have no clue
where the flat piece is that should hook onto here, I screwed that up pretty
bad, it’s probably ruined forever”. “Oh, and what is this little piece for, it
looks like a flagpole and here’s a window, what should I do with this”?
I have so many little pieces, and they are all faded and
old. What can I still make with them? Somedays I just want a brand-new box with
new features, new colors and brighter paint. But I am very attached to this old
box that I keep dragging around day after day. I know I am supposed to make
things, good things, impressive things, but sometimes it’s all I can do to make
a few clicks and come up with a little set of steps, let alone a complete house.
And the pieces are so good at reminding me that no matter how hard I work, or
what masterpiece I create, they are still Legos….and they are going to end up
back in this box in pieces. So why am I even bothering?
I want to believe that God has given me the exact pieces He
wants me to work with right now, at this time. Could He be wrong though? Does
He realize I don’t have that flat green base anymore? Does He know I’ve lost
the little red door and most of the flat angled pieces that make a roof? I don’t even have enough pieces to make the
boat, or the little car, or a complete little, Lego person.
I feel defeated and overwhelmed. I know I started out with a
much larger collection of pieces, I’m not sure what has become of them all
along the way. I feel like God looks through the box with me some nights and
scratches His head, thinking, “wow what a neat, little mess you’ve made”. It’s
all my troubles, failures and ‘try hards’ in one haphazard box, ends crushed,
pieces falling out, and missing links. I can read the disappointment in His
face. I am afraid He’s thinking, “I started you out with the complete set, a
strong, new box and even an instruction booklet, what happened”? And He is right
of course, He and His ways are always right. He has never failed to give me
exactly what I needed at the exact time I needed it, even if I thought it was
the last thing I needed at that time.
It's hard sometimes, but I know in my heart that no matter how pitiful my Lego box has
become, and no matter how many pieces I’ve lost along the way, He still has a
plan for me to make something, He still wants me to bring everything to Him and
no matter what, He will always be willing to comb through each piece with me.
Despite His disappointment, despite my continual failures, I know He will sit
right by me, while I sift through grief, regret, sadness, and little pieces of hope
scattered throughout the piles.
And each time, I will hear Him whisper, “you don’t need to make a masterpiece,
just use these pieces to be the masterpiece I made you to be”.
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