When Change Turns Out to Be GOOD- Shelly Webb

          Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I do not like change. In fact, I despise it. “Shelly does not adapt well to change,” is actually written in an old letter my mom had years ago, from the school psychologist. My oldest daughter has been married five years, and I still call her Katilyn Webb, which always draws an eye roll from my son-in-law. I just prefer things stay the same.

         So when I learned last year that my third grade team would be getting a new teacher added to the mix, I must confess, I panicked. I was disgruntled and worried. I kept thinking of all the scenarios that could unfold. “We already have the perfect team,” I thought, “why are we changing things, this is ridiculous.”

Then to top it off I learned the new teacher was young, early 20s, and beautiful. Really? What is a team of fifty-year-olds going to do with a twenty-four-year old, super-model teacher teammate? Change was coming and I was none too pleased!

So…….it’s been 16 days with the super-model and….. we LOVE her! She is amazing. During our first official meeting she made it clear that she was going to be 100% IN. She offered to help everyone in any way she could. She was so accommodating about schedules, pullouts, spelling lists, cursive writing and a million other things. And since her mom has been a teacher forever, she understands and relates to every scenario, issue, or little problem that might arise in the exact best way.

She is hard-working, professional, smart, fun and genuine. She gets my sarcasm and my sense of humor; and has her own sarcasm and sense of humor, which makes it even better. Our team has always been about relationships and she has the “relationship” gene, for sure. She is always willing to go above and beyond, in any situation.

Also she is just plain fun and happy. She loves Batman, has seen every Western ever recorded (I think), has seen Dirty Dancing, Top Gun and knew who Danny and Sandy were from Grease! Her quick wit and joke playing pranks has made me actually say, “My gosh did I raise you”?

Long story short, there’s a team of 50 plus year olds at Warsaw Elementary that are loving their new 20 something super model teammate! Oh, and another perk…she dates a highway patrolman, which could come in handy with a future speeding ticket or two J

The Ringmaster in my head- the struggle is real-Shelly Webb

 

         I know this sounds crazy, but I have this circus ringmaster guy in my head. He’s real bright and shiny, he has the red tailcoat, black top hat, high boots and the little cane. He’s not like The Greatest Showman Hugh Jackman Ringmaster though, no songs about the brightest colors in my head or a million dreams. This guy is a real jerk.

He narrates different parts of my day, which could be defined as circus acts I suppose, with a big loud ringmaster voice. For instance, like when I’m getting ready in the mornings. I hear him screaming, “Ladies and Gentlemen let’s see if the amazing Shelly can squeeze into last year’s capris, this will be quite a feat if she can do it… can she, YES they’re buttoned, wow! Now can she find a shirt to cover that muffin top.” And the crowd goes crazy and I roll my eyes at him.

         There are also days he’s all up on me at work, “Ladies and Gentleman settle back in your seat and watch the amazing Shelly as she attempts to teach (student name) to write an essay using, WHAT, a hamburger graphic organizer! Has she lost her mind. The top bun is an introduction, the meat is the details, the bottom bun is a conclusion! This will never grow into an AIR test worthy writing. And it appears she has abandoned all semblance of spelling to boot. She is deceiving this child into believing he can write! And he’s buying it, oh the fraud!” And the crowd goes crazy. And I sigh heavily…and roll my eyes at him.

         He’s taunted my parenting skills for years, (but oddly enough thinks I am an amazing nana), “Oh my, ladies and gentleman, did this 15-year-old not lose her cell phone, AND was she not told that she could not go to the school dance? But what is this? Inconsistent Shelly is driving her to the dance and what is in her hand, my god, it’s the cell phone. When will this madness end? It’s a tight rope balancing act like I have never seen!”

And the crowd frowns and shakes their heads. And I show no emotion on that one.

         He scoffs at my purchases, “Ladies and Gentleman, Shelly owns a perfectly good table and chairs, but yet she is buying another one, is she insane, wasteful or just trying to tick off her husband? We really must watch this unfold.” And the crowd watches. And the husband rolls his eyes this time, but is not ticked off.

         Over and over, he announces my doubts, my decisions, my mistakes. He reminds me how many tootsie rolls I’ve eaten, he counts my carbs, he tells me I’m not tough enough on my kids, he tells me I am too tough on my kids, he tells me things won’t work, he blames me for other people’s decisions and choices, he notices every new line under my eyes, every new ounce on the scale, he’s amazing really, he misses nothing. He does compliment my nana skills often so we’re good on that front. He must have a great nana somewhere in his past.

         I can’t decide if he’s out to help me or destroy me. When I am going to sleep at night, I see him sweeping out the big tent, looking tired, I mean he has had quite the day, calling the plays in my life. He throws his shiny red coat and top hat on a chair and collapses on his bunk. He looks tired at night, no so chipper, not so shiny and not so loud.

I look at him and say, “Why”?

         He looks back and says, “to keep you grounded and real, and to try to set you some boundaries girl, without me you’d be out of control.”

         When did he arrive, I wonder, I think he started with a small ring maybe when I entered high school? He was definitely three ringing it by the time I became a mom, and lately I think he’s attempting a franchise.

         So I wonder…is he a jerk? Does he have any interest in me succeeding? Does he constantly point out my errors so I don’t cross some big line? Does anyone else have a ringmaster narrating their life?

         I joke about him to friends and imitate his big, booming voice, but figuring out if he’s a friend or foe is the real feat. I’ve often said, my life is a circus, so maybe I need a ringmaster. I have a feeling I could fire him too, anytime I wanted, but I might need him more than I think….and he does love me as a nana…